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There sat a beautiful 1956 Cadillac just waiting to be �borrowed�.
At ten years old I had not yet had my first driving lesson but how hard could it be? You climbed in, turned the key, moved that stick thingy, grabbed hold of the steering wheel, pushed on one of the pushy thingys on the floor and the Cadillac would do the rest. I�d seen my dad do it lots of times. Even my creepy big sister was driving the Cadillac and I knew that I was much smarter than her.
The day arrived for my self taught driving lesson. I was home alone when I heard the Cadillac whisper to me �No one will know if you take me for a little drive. No one will notice the baby faced driver peeking through the steering wheel as he speeds majestically around the neighborhood (I didn�t know what majestically meant but it sounded good). You know where the keys are so go ahead and drive me.� This siren�s beckoning was more than I could resist, so out of the house and into the car I went. OK, it was time to do the things I often watched my dad do to make the car move. I had never seen my sister do any of these things because I was smart enough to never go with her for a ride. I put the key in the keyhole thingy, turned it and, just as I expected, the Cadillac started. I knew I was really smart and this proved it. Now what? My dad always grabbed the stick thingy and pulled on it and the car always began moving. I pulled on the shiny stick thingy but nothing happened. I rocked the steering wheel from side to side and still nothing. That�s right, I remembered; you also need to push on one of those black thingys on the floor. This was going to be great! I pushed a floor thingy and moved the steering wheel but the car didn�t move at all, although it did make noises like something was about to happen. I tried to remember what my dad always did and again went through all the steps. The Cadillac groaned a bit but just sat there. Frustrated that my first self taught driving lesson didn�t include any driving, I turned the key, got out of the car, returned the key to my parents� off limits bedroom, and tried to figure out how my creepy sister could make it go but I, the smartest of the Lambert siblings, couldn�t make it move at all. Later that week I watched my dad very closely as he was about to start the car and drive the family to church. �Hey dad, what�s that thingy on the side do?� I asked. �That�s the emergency brake� he said as we pulled away from the curb.
A few months later my sister wrecked the Cadillac.
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