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First there was T.A.R.P. - the Troubled Asset Relief Program in which hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars simply vanished into thin air. Poof. Ostensibly intended to rescue failing banks, 32 banks have subsequently failed. Great job, guys.
Then came Son of T.A.R.P. or T.A.R.P. II – hundreds of billions down the same sinkhole. Duplicating the stunning success of the original T.A.R.P. in rescuing failing banks, 14 banks have failed in the first seven weeks of 2009, an average of two per week. Grand slam, fellas.
You may be wondering, “How can I benefit from these T.A.R.P. programs?” The answer is simple: You can’t. At least not from the official United States Treasury T.A.R.P. funds. You’re too responsible.
But now as a Painless customer you can claim your share of the all new Painless Performance T.A.R.P. program or, as it is known around these parts, the TOTALLY AWESOME REWARDS PROGRAM.
Here’s how it works:
1. Register on our website and set up an account. (registration is free)
2. Each time you purchase a Painless product send us a copy of the invoice, via email, fax or snail mail.
3. 3% of the retail value of all your Painless products on the invoice will be credited to your account as “points”. For example: $300 x 3% = $9.00 or 9 points
4. Get your first 10 points free just for registering.
5. As purchases accumulate, the value of the account grows. You can access your account at any time to see its current value.
These points can then be used to purchase a wide assortment of premium products detailed on the Painless site. Products include wearables, automotive tools and accessories, hunting, fishing and camping equipment, sports and leisure products and other high quality lifestyle products. Would you like to have a 12-volt refrigerator to take along on your next rod run or cruise night? Just 125 points and it’s yours.
This program is young and we’ll constantly be adding new premiums, so check back often.
So sign up today and start earning your share of bailout bucks with the all new Painless Performance Totally Awesome Rewards Program.
The Painless T.A.R.P. – boldly going where no government bailout has gone before.
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